Learning Ancient Greek is like being in an abusive relationship.
The following is an excerpt from an email from a senior who graduated last year, who says it was handed down to her when she was a freshman by a senior. It is not mine, by any means, and thus I am loath to put the whole thing up, but I thought it too good not to share at all.
When I first met the Greek language he was sleek and sexy in a black
trenchcoat, with alpha and beta cufflinks. He had those bruised eyes
and rounded vowels all the girls go wild for. He had such lithe
declensions and long lashes, fluttering my way over a stack of
parchment and Xeroxed Loeb editions. I wanted him like a gutter whore,
writhing and screaming out dactyls in the night.
At first it was all right. He brought me flowers and I wrote out his
letters in the morning. We cut quite the figure on the town—him all
darkly mysterious and me with great black cow eyes, staring dreamily
into his aorist forms. I would clutch him to my heart and swoon over
the trilling consonants, the rough breaths, the muscled inflections. I
could smell him on my clothes at night, and he whispered sweet
hexameters into my ear.
Then once I conjugated the 3rd person plural aorist of luw as luoi and
he slapped me hard with his great, calloused hand. I had a black eye
for two weeks. Then I mistranslated gignomai late one wintry eve and he
stubbed out a hand-rolled cigarette on my arm. Before long, it became
clear that he was a dangerously violent dialect, with serious
verb-chart management issues.
But I still loved him. The way he would look at me sometimes, his hair
disheveled from a night of frantic translation—my stomach would flutter
and my heart would swell, just like in the old days…
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